The Trash!!

These are just dumb jokes, often one-note.

Poems

1. 2025-12-23
   The Baize Miser Song

   I'm mister Baize Miser,
   I'm mister Green,
   I'm mister bite-backer,
   I'm the vampire snooker machine

   ---

   After The Year Without a Santa Claus and Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire.

2. 2025-11-18

   I drink a lot of water
   I piss a lot of pee
   The dreams in which I'm dying
   Never meant that much to me
   
   It's a mad world

   ---

   After Mad World, with apologies to Tears for Fears.

3. 2025-10-25

   poets gape—
   the moon waxes
   her legs

   ---

   Hee hoo… a haiku parody.

4. 2025-10-25

   One
   Three three three
   Five five five five five
   Seven seven seven sev—
   Oh.

   ---

   Just a silly thing about oddquain syllable counts.

5. 2025-10-20
   Raid the Pyramids at Ram Ranch

   Orgy in the tombs at Ram Ranch,
   Big rolling rocks crushing Egyptologists
   Like Anubis wanting to rut.

   ---

   After Ram Ranch.

6. 2025-09-18

   My Yabba is my worst place, my hell
   When I'm in the Outback then I am with devils

   ---

   After Wake in Fright, with apologies to Scooter.

7. 2025-07-12
   Pepys' Secret Stash

   Bury,
   like Pepys,
   petabytes of toxic
   yuri.
   
   Civilisation
   mutates in the nuclear
   dark age.

   ---

   A trash septolet.

8. 2025-04-14

   Remember the old adage:
   If you can't outrun a horse,
   You should eat a horse.

9. 2025-04-13

   Fire sale!
   Baby shoes,
   Never worn.
   
   What luck:
   My dogs
   Need shoes.

   ---

   Based off a recent poem with more-or-less the same opening.

10. 2025-04-10

    “April showers,”
    said Dracula's ghost.

11. 2025-04-08

    No!
    That is
    not Solid Snake!

    ---

    A trash haynaku.

12. 2025-04-07

    You have come
    To a word called—
    Whipcrack!

    ---

    Not a haiku, despite the general form; really more trash free verse.

13. 2025-04-07

    Fire sale!
    Baby shoes!!
    Never* worn!!!

    ---

    Lionel Hutz type beat.

14. 2020-04-07
    The Woman in the Wall

    Cry freedom! From the woman in the wall
    Cry freedom! Won't do you any good at all
    
    I see her eyes, all day, all night
    I hear her voice from deep within the wall
    Made a cross from knitting needles, dug a grave of hoover bags
    Escaping from the woman in the wall

    ---

    After The Woman in the Wall, with apologies to The Beautiful South. I don't actually know the date for this, so I went with a rough guess.